Context: “feeling like a soldier without any defense.”
On some random evening I begin to say the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen. “Our Father who art in Heaven”, I pray during that time of night before shutting my eyes and holding my breath until my morning alarm begins to sound. And I must be His defenseless soldier once more, until this time of night comes to fruition again, and the game pauses for a bit. Somehow, I have come to see this pause as a realm of possibility. An abstract realm detached from any physical sense. Nevertheless, it is one where by chance I might end up meeting Him. Dear God, I pray every night partly out of indoctrination, and mostly out of devoted loneliness. How can someone so full of life be so lonely? Looking back I see that a past condition has become the present reason and condition: I/all was designed by divine image and likeness. A truth universally infinite and nonexistent. By this token of faith, every written chapter of my life is an expansion of the past I carry with me, and from those before me; however, we’re utterly solemn. We carry the touch of the sun, moon, stars, and the universe. For as long as we have, for as long as we will. And what will it be for then? Amusement? Penance? Knowledge? In any case, I cannot help but to feel overwhelmed by His design, which is why, when everything is paused, I can slip away into “A world without end”, Amen.
Yours Truly, B. Bitt
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