“I feel a little overwhelmed…”

I feel a little overwhelmed by a sense of infinite success and failure. As I stare at my glass which is “literally” half empty and half full I slip into a state of imagination that is unhinged from reality. When I say “literally” I am being morbidly humorous. “Literally” in terms of the glass half empty/full analogy means I have lived half my life and I can either live the rest of it to the fullest or lose it all at any second, which I am okay with. If I were to lose it all, then I would finally get the chance to meet old friends and lovers whose tones of voice seem to have disappeared from my memory. The thought of talking with them again is exciting so long as my hope exists. Without hope, I am posed with the possibility of infinite nothingness, which I am also okay with. I guess this is a longwinded way of saying that I am okay with twenty years being my half way point, and to be completely honest, I want it to be my half way point. I know how much I matter to other people, but this does not erase my personal tribulations. With all the money, honorifics, and power in the world, I would wait for my time to come where I can finally surrender and let everything go. I’ll do whatever I can do in the meantime, but if I had to choose, I’d choose a glass half full, to be re-filled, when another twenty years gone dry.

For this and all my vices, I am deeply sorry.